Anyone who might read this, I hope you appreciate yourself for who you are. I've always been insanely self-conscious my whole life and it's all beginning to really stress me out and weigh on me more and more by the day.
I never appreciated some things that I had when I was growing up. Things that seem so trivial, like being able to buy clothing at most standard stores, or not feeling embarrassed about your hair (or lack thereof), and just generally not feeling presentable and attractive to anyone.
Ugh, such fucking self-loathing babble, I apologize, but sometimes I swear I would take a full head of hair in exchange for something else valuable to me, such as, oh I don't know, my height? My singing voice? My musical ability? My ability to walk? Bring it on.
It's such a fucking downer not being able to buy 99% of the cool t-shirts out there because they don't make them in my size, or not being able to drive my dad's car because I don't fit in it.
This is probably the most superficial, shallow, bullshit post I will ever write (and I think I wrote that before so take what you will from that,) but seriously, whoever may stumble upon this site, I hope you appreciate yourself for who you are, at least most of the time. It really sucks otherwise.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
The Day The Sky Was On Fire
This happened a while back, but I still think it came out cool on photo.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Sometimes I feel like running away..
That sounds pretty juvenile/dramatic, but really, sometimes I just really wish I could move somewhere completely different without looking back, and try to start my life over.
I want to preface that I am not completely unhappy with my life as a whole right now; I've got good friends, I have a pretty relaxed schedule, I'm not quite completely broke yet, I'm learning something new and improving at something every day. It could definitely be a lot worse.
But, I think about what I've done with myself since graduating high school and what my future looks like. I've worked a few jobs that were good experiences, I don't regret them all, but I've been in school for almost 2 years now and honestly hate it. I shouldn't be here but I haven't made the attempt to get a job and get back to the working life. I guess a part of me is having a hard time of letting go of the lack of responsibility I (mostly) had while growing up. I think I will get down to it at the start of the New Year.
Other than that, the majority of my free time has been spent playing video games, or more specifically, a single video game named WoW. I'm not going to say I completely regret playing the game for so long. I've had a lot of fun times on there with friends. But, I do wish that I had spent the last 4 years of my life on something else.
For the past few weeks I haven't been on the game for more than a few minutes, and I really don't miss it at all. I find much more joy in writing, playing guitar or drums, singing, playing beatmania/DDR, etc. I used to think I loved playing MMORPGs because of the value of 'accomplishment'. I put time into my character and get to see the rewards for that and show them off. But now, I find much more joy in being able to say "Holy shit, I can pass Vault of Heaven on hyper now, I couldn't do that a few weeks ago," then I ever did by saying "Wow look at my new piece of epic gear..."
So I don't know about all that. The expansion pack of course comes out in about a month, but I'm really not excited about it. At all. All the work I've put into the game for the past 2.5 years is going to be negated quickly by the natural progression of an MMO post-expansion. I mean, it is what it is, I guess, but I'm just ready to be done with it. I think I'm ready to be done with MMOs in general, but I haven't decided for sure. Yet.
In gaming related news, I recently started playing BF2 again and, I don't know what happened, but I am fucking amazing these days. Like seriously, I might not get the best team scores, but my accuracy with the sniper has somehow dramatically improved after not playing for months. Weird.
There's a fuckton of road construction going on in my town right now, and it pisses me off for one reason only; Whenever an intersection is under construction, the stoplights never work properly. It's seriously beyond aggravating having to sit at a red light waiting to go straight for 5 minutes, because the left turn lights are on for cars that aren't there. WOW. Fix the damn lights you assholes. I find myself having to pull a fucking National Treasure and go the most random, obscure backstreets just to get across town.
Actually been making some progress on LTTS lately, and it's been as surprising as it has gratifying that I've been getting that much done. I was scared I wouldn't be able to continue it after I realized I hadn't updated it for 3 months, but I found that coming back to it was pretty easy, and I've been happy with what I've added to it since then. Hopefully others will see it up to my "par", whatever that may be.
My brother is getting married this weekend, and I'm not going. It's a long, drama-licious story that is way too long for this post, but basically the shit is going to hit the fan when my family realizes that I'm not there. That's OK, I mean my family sucks and is full of completely insane narcissists, but still.
Beatmania IIDX 15: DJ Troopers is coming out in December! I can't wait. I've been playing it rabidly at the arcade for the past year and I can't wait to pop it in the PS2 and play through all the awesome songs in that version at home.
I guess that's all for now. It's 4:30 AM and I really need to try and fall asleep. I'm getting a weird twitch in my left eye too, I think that means it's time to close my laptop here. I really wish I wasn't such an insomniac.
I want to preface that I am not completely unhappy with my life as a whole right now; I've got good friends, I have a pretty relaxed schedule, I'm not quite completely broke yet, I'm learning something new and improving at something every day. It could definitely be a lot worse.
But, I think about what I've done with myself since graduating high school and what my future looks like. I've worked a few jobs that were good experiences, I don't regret them all, but I've been in school for almost 2 years now and honestly hate it. I shouldn't be here but I haven't made the attempt to get a job and get back to the working life. I guess a part of me is having a hard time of letting go of the lack of responsibility I (mostly) had while growing up. I think I will get down to it at the start of the New Year.
Other than that, the majority of my free time has been spent playing video games, or more specifically, a single video game named WoW. I'm not going to say I completely regret playing the game for so long. I've had a lot of fun times on there with friends. But, I do wish that I had spent the last 4 years of my life on something else.
For the past few weeks I haven't been on the game for more than a few minutes, and I really don't miss it at all. I find much more joy in writing, playing guitar or drums, singing, playing beatmania/DDR, etc. I used to think I loved playing MMORPGs because of the value of 'accomplishment'. I put time into my character and get to see the rewards for that and show them off. But now, I find much more joy in being able to say "Holy shit, I can pass Vault of Heaven on hyper now, I couldn't do that a few weeks ago," then I ever did by saying "Wow look at my new piece of epic gear..."
So I don't know about all that. The expansion pack of course comes out in about a month, but I'm really not excited about it. At all. All the work I've put into the game for the past 2.5 years is going to be negated quickly by the natural progression of an MMO post-expansion. I mean, it is what it is, I guess, but I'm just ready to be done with it. I think I'm ready to be done with MMOs in general, but I haven't decided for sure. Yet.
In gaming related news, I recently started playing BF2 again and, I don't know what happened, but I am fucking amazing these days. Like seriously, I might not get the best team scores, but my accuracy with the sniper has somehow dramatically improved after not playing for months. Weird.
There's a fuckton of road construction going on in my town right now, and it pisses me off for one reason only; Whenever an intersection is under construction, the stoplights never work properly. It's seriously beyond aggravating having to sit at a red light waiting to go straight for 5 minutes, because the left turn lights are on for cars that aren't there. WOW. Fix the damn lights you assholes. I find myself having to pull a fucking National Treasure and go the most random, obscure backstreets just to get across town.
Actually been making some progress on LTTS lately, and it's been as surprising as it has gratifying that I've been getting that much done. I was scared I wouldn't be able to continue it after I realized I hadn't updated it for 3 months, but I found that coming back to it was pretty easy, and I've been happy with what I've added to it since then. Hopefully others will see it up to my "par", whatever that may be.
My brother is getting married this weekend, and I'm not going. It's a long, drama-licious story that is way too long for this post, but basically the shit is going to hit the fan when my family realizes that I'm not there. That's OK, I mean my family sucks and is full of completely insane narcissists, but still.
Beatmania IIDX 15: DJ Troopers is coming out in December! I can't wait. I've been playing it rabidly at the arcade for the past year and I can't wait to pop it in the PS2 and play through all the awesome songs in that version at home.
I guess that's all for now. It's 4:30 AM and I really need to try and fall asleep. I'm getting a weird twitch in my left eye too, I think that means it's time to close my laptop here. I really wish I wasn't such an insomniac.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Warhammer shiii
Well, Warhammer finally came out and I picked it up. So far my first impressions are mixed, which unfortunately is not an encouraging sign for me. It's a decently well-made game with some neat concepts and the execution is, for the most part, pretty solid. I like that you can level up through PvP. I like the real feel of "war" that lives throughout the game.
However, the game barely fucking runs on my PC*. OK, I know, I have a shitty computer, but after playing WoW for so long with pretty good performance, I at least expected to be able to run WAR. Well, I can, barely. On all LOW settings, I still lag and hang around 20 FPS. The game often freezes when new enemies appear on screen, and it almost always freezes when something attacks me.
It's very frustrating and has made me not want to log in the last few days, but I did just order some new Memory so I'm hoping that helps with the problem.
If that doesn't work? Unfortunately, I can't upgrade my PC any further than that, and I'm not sure if the game has hooked me in enough to want to put up with bad performance/crashes. I feel bad because I know some people playing it, and I don't want to quit so soon, like I did with Age of Conan. In my defense, AoC was even worse in performance and ran at 10 FPS...
So at this point, I'm not sure. I had some higher expectations for the game's overall fun-factor, I was hoping it would really suck me in and hook me. I haven't been excited over a game's release since Phantasy Star Universe's release was such a big fucking piece of shit.
* = Processor:
Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Duo CPU E4500 @ 2.20GHz (2 CPUs)
Memory:
1024MB RAM
Hard Drive:
500 GB
Video Card:
NVIDIA GeForce 7900 GS
Sound Card:
SB X-Fi Audio [CF00]
Speakers/Headphones:
Sony USB Media Headset
Keyboard:
Razer Tarantula
Mouse:
Logitech G7
Operating System:
Windows XP Home Edition (5.1, Build 2600) Service Pack 2 (2600.xpsp_sp2_rtm.040803-2158)
However, the game barely fucking runs on my PC*. OK, I know, I have a shitty computer, but after playing WoW for so long with pretty good performance, I at least expected to be able to run WAR. Well, I can, barely. On all LOW settings, I still lag and hang around 20 FPS. The game often freezes when new enemies appear on screen, and it almost always freezes when something attacks me.
It's very frustrating and has made me not want to log in the last few days, but I did just order some new Memory so I'm hoping that helps with the problem.
If that doesn't work? Unfortunately, I can't upgrade my PC any further than that, and I'm not sure if the game has hooked me in enough to want to put up with bad performance/crashes. I feel bad because I know some people playing it, and I don't want to quit so soon, like I did with Age of Conan. In my defense, AoC was even worse in performance and ran at 10 FPS...
So at this point, I'm not sure. I had some higher expectations for the game's overall fun-factor, I was hoping it would really suck me in and hook me. I haven't been excited over a game's release since Phantasy Star Universe's release was such a big fucking piece of shit.
* = Processor:
Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Duo CPU E4500 @ 2.20GHz (2 CPUs)
Memory:
1024MB RAM
Hard Drive:
500 GB
Video Card:
NVIDIA GeForce 7900 GS
Sound Card:
SB X-Fi Audio [CF00]
Speakers/Headphones:
Sony USB Media Headset
Keyboard:
Razer Tarantula
Mouse:
Logitech G7
Operating System:
Windows XP Home Edition (5.1, Build 2600) Service Pack 2 (2600.xpsp_sp2_rtm.040803-2158)
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Been a while
Oh man, it's sad to say but I completely forgot about this blog until now.. I guess I've been busy with other stuff lately.
But it's just a blog, I'll get over it. I guess if I had anything really interesting to write about, I would have.
My summer went by way too quickly. My initial plan was to spend a lot of time working on writing LTTS, playing DDR, and making music. I did get to make some music and play a fair bit of DDR (as well as beatmania and Pop'n), but I'm sad to say that I haven't updated my story since the end of June..
I really wish I could just sit down and crank out chapters like I was doing there for a month. The last few times I have opened the Chapter 9 document, I write maybe one sentence and then just save and close it in frustration.
What really pisses me off is that I know how I want to end the story, but I'm not sure how to get there. I thought my last chapter was pretty good, but now I'm at a complete standstill. I know if I just make myself write, it will come back to me and I'll have some fun with it again. But, for now....
I've also all but given up on my.. spiritual beliefs. I dabbled in Christianity for a few years, but I grew tired of the ramifications that comes with associating myself with that group. There is too much judgment and hatred that exudes from the group of people that praise someone who wanted everyone to love each other.
It just doesn't make any fucking sense.
Anyways, before this becomes a big religious debate, I guess I will move on.
I often find myself going back to old habits, good or bad. I went on habbo-hotel for the first time in a year and said hi to my old friends, and it was good to see them. I used the website at a period in my life when I had virtually no real life friends, bar one who lives hours away. I'm glad to say now that I have some great friends who I enjoy spending time with, but my online friends helped me stay sane after my former best friend all but cut me out of his life.
Sometimes I reminisce back to a few years ago when I'd spend just about every waking moment with my friend, who shall remain nameless (although I'm pretty sure the only person who will likely read this blog already knows who I am talking about.) We played computer games all the time together and I've never laughed so hard in my life. But even then, in high school, my friend had a tendency to prioritize his social life differently than I would have. Basically, if he had a girlfriend I never saw him.
It annoyed and hurt me in high school, but when it started happening again after we graduated (and I was supposed to be an "adult"), I just got resentful and apathetic, to a degree, and I stopped trying to be his friend.
It's been about a year and a half since this happened, and I think we've spoken maybe 4-5 times since then. And when we do speak, it's just bullshit. It usually starts with him asking what's up, me saying nothing, him saying he wants to hang out sometime, me saying that would be nice, and then that's it. Nothing ever happens and I don't expect anything to ever happen.
Was it difficult to adjust from seeing him almost every day to rarely speaking to him? Fuckin' A. It was still hard and it still makes me get a little upset when I think about it.
But as I mentioned in a post months back, I've lost contact with almost everyone who I called a friend growing up. Most people I don't give two shits about, but this one really bothers me.
I may have finally decided, on some level, what I want to do with my life. As my friends will attest, I am a fanatic of music video games, so I think working in that field just makes too much sense to ignore. Now I just have to go about getting a job in that area. For now I'm stuck in community college, taking classes I hate and barely want to attend. I should just drop out and work, but part of me is afraid to make that leap to full time work.
True, I've been there before when I worked at Safeway. And it was fucking miserable. I mean, I would probably enjoy it a lot more if I wasn't doing such physically demanding shit work (who would have thought that pushing shopping carts with 3 layers of black clothing on in 95 degree heat wouldn't be fun!?)
But the other thing I'm worried about is losing my free time. When I worked at Safeway, my schedule was so random, it would have been impossible to make plans with anyone. My schedule was completely different every week. One week I would be working the late afternoons and have the weekends free, but the next week I might be working from mid-day to closing every other day. Good thing I didn't have any friends at that point, because they would have all gotten pissed off at my inability to have a social life, I'm sure.
Sometimes I don't really know why I play MMORPGs. Not only do I normally prefer to solo things, but I mean, in the case of WoW at least, I don't like raiding and I don't really love PVPing much either. So, why do I play? I'd like to say that it's because all my friends play, but everyone is scattered across different servers. Only 2 of my friends play on the same server as I. I could quit if I wanted to, but why don't I? More of that holding on to old habits, I guess. I know the game like the back of my hand. I've been told on more than one occasion that my near-encyclopedic knowledge of the game is sad and amazing at the time. Perhaps I'm too stubborn to learn something new?
I'm worried that I won't be able to give Warhammer a fair chance because of my predisposition. The game looks neat, and one of my best friends is going to be playing it, so there's really no reason for me to not play and enjoy it, but I'm worried the same thing will happen that happened with Phantasy Star Universe. If I have to force myself to like this game, I'm going to uninstall it before I piss anyone off.
But really, I don't know why I even play the genre. When I played Anarchy Online when I was younger, I would often sit in the towns and talk to people and give buffs/assistance in tradeskills. I found that way more fun than mindlessly killing monsters or other players. Perhaps that is why I played it for so long, and maybe that's what I should aim for. The problem is, I don't know how much of a social arc/tradeskill reliance there will be in Warhammer. It seems to be very PVP-centric. But I will give it a chance. I'm real close to just playing Anarchy Online again. I hope they bring out the new graphics engine soon, that will be a good excuse to reinstall the game..
I guess that's all for now.
But it's just a blog, I'll get over it. I guess if I had anything really interesting to write about, I would have.
My summer went by way too quickly. My initial plan was to spend a lot of time working on writing LTTS, playing DDR, and making music. I did get to make some music and play a fair bit of DDR (as well as beatmania and Pop'n), but I'm sad to say that I haven't updated my story since the end of June..
I really wish I could just sit down and crank out chapters like I was doing there for a month. The last few times I have opened the Chapter 9 document, I write maybe one sentence and then just save and close it in frustration.
What really pisses me off is that I know how I want to end the story, but I'm not sure how to get there. I thought my last chapter was pretty good, but now I'm at a complete standstill. I know if I just make myself write, it will come back to me and I'll have some fun with it again. But, for now....
I've also all but given up on my.. spiritual beliefs. I dabbled in Christianity for a few years, but I grew tired of the ramifications that comes with associating myself with that group. There is too much judgment and hatred that exudes from the group of people that praise someone who wanted everyone to love each other.
It just doesn't make any fucking sense.
Anyways, before this becomes a big religious debate, I guess I will move on.
I often find myself going back to old habits, good or bad. I went on habbo-hotel for the first time in a year and said hi to my old friends, and it was good to see them. I used the website at a period in my life when I had virtually no real life friends, bar one who lives hours away. I'm glad to say now that I have some great friends who I enjoy spending time with, but my online friends helped me stay sane after my former best friend all but cut me out of his life.
Sometimes I reminisce back to a few years ago when I'd spend just about every waking moment with my friend, who shall remain nameless (although I'm pretty sure the only person who will likely read this blog already knows who I am talking about.) We played computer games all the time together and I've never laughed so hard in my life. But even then, in high school, my friend had a tendency to prioritize his social life differently than I would have. Basically, if he had a girlfriend I never saw him.
It annoyed and hurt me in high school, but when it started happening again after we graduated (and I was supposed to be an "adult"), I just got resentful and apathetic, to a degree, and I stopped trying to be his friend.
It's been about a year and a half since this happened, and I think we've spoken maybe 4-5 times since then. And when we do speak, it's just bullshit. It usually starts with him asking what's up, me saying nothing, him saying he wants to hang out sometime, me saying that would be nice, and then that's it. Nothing ever happens and I don't expect anything to ever happen.
Was it difficult to adjust from seeing him almost every day to rarely speaking to him? Fuckin' A. It was still hard and it still makes me get a little upset when I think about it.
But as I mentioned in a post months back, I've lost contact with almost everyone who I called a friend growing up. Most people I don't give two shits about, but this one really bothers me.
I may have finally decided, on some level, what I want to do with my life. As my friends will attest, I am a fanatic of music video games, so I think working in that field just makes too much sense to ignore. Now I just have to go about getting a job in that area. For now I'm stuck in community college, taking classes I hate and barely want to attend. I should just drop out and work, but part of me is afraid to make that leap to full time work.
True, I've been there before when I worked at Safeway. And it was fucking miserable. I mean, I would probably enjoy it a lot more if I wasn't doing such physically demanding shit work (who would have thought that pushing shopping carts with 3 layers of black clothing on in 95 degree heat wouldn't be fun!?)
But the other thing I'm worried about is losing my free time. When I worked at Safeway, my schedule was so random, it would have been impossible to make plans with anyone. My schedule was completely different every week. One week I would be working the late afternoons and have the weekends free, but the next week I might be working from mid-day to closing every other day. Good thing I didn't have any friends at that point, because they would have all gotten pissed off at my inability to have a social life, I'm sure.
Sometimes I don't really know why I play MMORPGs. Not only do I normally prefer to solo things, but I mean, in the case of WoW at least, I don't like raiding and I don't really love PVPing much either. So, why do I play? I'd like to say that it's because all my friends play, but everyone is scattered across different servers. Only 2 of my friends play on the same server as I. I could quit if I wanted to, but why don't I? More of that holding on to old habits, I guess. I know the game like the back of my hand. I've been told on more than one occasion that my near-encyclopedic knowledge of the game is sad and amazing at the time. Perhaps I'm too stubborn to learn something new?
I'm worried that I won't be able to give Warhammer a fair chance because of my predisposition. The game looks neat, and one of my best friends is going to be playing it, so there's really no reason for me to not play and enjoy it, but I'm worried the same thing will happen that happened with Phantasy Star Universe. If I have to force myself to like this game, I'm going to uninstall it before I piss anyone off.
But really, I don't know why I even play the genre. When I played Anarchy Online when I was younger, I would often sit in the towns and talk to people and give buffs/assistance in tradeskills. I found that way more fun than mindlessly killing monsters or other players. Perhaps that is why I played it for so long, and maybe that's what I should aim for. The problem is, I don't know how much of a social arc/tradeskill reliance there will be in Warhammer. It seems to be very PVP-centric. But I will give it a chance. I'm real close to just playing Anarchy Online again. I hope they bring out the new graphics engine soon, that will be a good excuse to reinstall the game..
I guess that's all for now.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Music
Every once in a while there has come a band or a song that has really impacted me for one reason or another.
The first song I can ever remember truly loving was "Princes of the Universe" by Queen, back when I was like, 8 years old. I remember listening to that song on repeat while playing around with swords, pretending I was the Highlander.
My parents have always loved to play music, and as such there are some older artists that I'm more familiar with than I realize, like Dan Fogelberg, Kenny Loggins, Heart, Fleetwood Mac... My mom tried to get me into music and often offered to get me guitar lessons as a kid, but I always turned them down. I eventually ended up picking up the guitar right before my 14th birthday and 7 years later I still love playing.
I remember it was on my 12th birthday that two of my good friends started playing some rap music for me, and I kind of liked it. I had never really been into any specific genre but seeing how much my friends liked it, I tried to get into it. There were a few songs I found that were good, and some that I still enjoy to this day. Particularly "Hard Knock Life" by Jay-Z and "Nas Is Like" by Nas. But that phase only lasted a few months at most. I kept pretending I was a huge rap fanatic and would often look at Rap CDs at the store, but nothing ever seemed worth buying.
It wasn't until I was 13 that I discovered Punk Rock, and that's when my true love for music really began to grow. Blink 182, Green Day, MxPx, and NOFX were being constantly played in my walkman, and I absolutely loved it. Blink 182 may not be the most technically proficient band out there, but I have to thank them for getting me into music; I played the MTV Drumscape arcade machine at SC Boardwalk, the Blink song "What's My Age Again?" and got my first taste of drumming. Loved it. I also clearly remember listening closely to the guitar in one of their songs and thinking "Wow, that sounds really cool, I want to learn how to play that." My brother had taught me to play some basic songs on the bass already, so it was just a matter of figuring out how to make sounds on a 6-stringed instrument instead of a 4-stringed one.
Since then, with every year my music taste has evolved (and in my opinion, matured a bit with each year). When I was 14 I was still really into Punk Rock. I remember walking home from school listening to MxPx almost every day.
When I was 15 I made friends with some guys who were into heavier music, metal/hardcore stuff. My friend Robbie introduced me to a band called Hopesfall. He played the song "Waitress" for me and I thought it was pretty cool, so I ended up tracking down the album, and soon fell in love with the band. I still consider Hopesfall one of my favorite bands of all time. I also started to get into more Post-Hardcore stuff, like Thursday and Finch. A little bit of metal as well.
When I was 16 my friends started to really get me into more extreme metal. I heard Slipknot and thought it was alright, but Fear Factory was the band that really got me into metal music. Disturbed was another favorite, but it was more of a guilty pleasure with my friends because they were a little too "mainstream" for others.
When I was 17 I started to really get into melodic death metal, I had In Flames, Dark Tranquillity, Opeth, At the Gates, etc. on constant repeat.
But at 18 is when I started to diversify my tastes a little. I was listening to as much emo and rap as I did death metal. I think my favorite band at the time was The Mars Volta.
Sometime around December 2006 I started to really fall in love with a lot of death metal bands, as well as Christian bands. My interest in religion was piqued at this point and I turned to a lot of Christian bands to get some insight on that stuff. For about a year I listened to almost nothing but Underoath, As Cities Burn, Beloved, August Burns Red, Dead Poetic... At one point my playlist contained no secular bands at all.
But now I've moved on again. I very rarely listen to metal anymore. My religious beliefs are still present but are not dictating my behavior or playlist anymore. I still enjoy a lot of bands I've grown up with, but it depends what they are.
Nowadays I listen to mostly post-hardcore/emo stuff, I guess you would say. Two bands that have really made an impact on me lately are City Sleeps and Fightstar. I've posted some City Sleeps videos before, but here is a Fightstar song I love;
Love the song and love the video. I remember being a little kid and playing with finger-guns, and dammit, my sound effects were always the best because I played Goldeneye.
The first song I can ever remember truly loving was "Princes of the Universe" by Queen, back when I was like, 8 years old. I remember listening to that song on repeat while playing around with swords, pretending I was the Highlander.
My parents have always loved to play music, and as such there are some older artists that I'm more familiar with than I realize, like Dan Fogelberg, Kenny Loggins, Heart, Fleetwood Mac... My mom tried to get me into music and often offered to get me guitar lessons as a kid, but I always turned them down. I eventually ended up picking up the guitar right before my 14th birthday and 7 years later I still love playing.
I remember it was on my 12th birthday that two of my good friends started playing some rap music for me, and I kind of liked it. I had never really been into any specific genre but seeing how much my friends liked it, I tried to get into it. There were a few songs I found that were good, and some that I still enjoy to this day. Particularly "Hard Knock Life" by Jay-Z and "Nas Is Like" by Nas. But that phase only lasted a few months at most. I kept pretending I was a huge rap fanatic and would often look at Rap CDs at the store, but nothing ever seemed worth buying.
It wasn't until I was 13 that I discovered Punk Rock, and that's when my true love for music really began to grow. Blink 182, Green Day, MxPx, and NOFX were being constantly played in my walkman, and I absolutely loved it. Blink 182 may not be the most technically proficient band out there, but I have to thank them for getting me into music; I played the MTV Drumscape arcade machine at SC Boardwalk, the Blink song "What's My Age Again?" and got my first taste of drumming. Loved it. I also clearly remember listening closely to the guitar in one of their songs and thinking "Wow, that sounds really cool, I want to learn how to play that." My brother had taught me to play some basic songs on the bass already, so it was just a matter of figuring out how to make sounds on a 6-stringed instrument instead of a 4-stringed one.
Since then, with every year my music taste has evolved (and in my opinion, matured a bit with each year). When I was 14 I was still really into Punk Rock. I remember walking home from school listening to MxPx almost every day.
When I was 15 I made friends with some guys who were into heavier music, metal/hardcore stuff. My friend Robbie introduced me to a band called Hopesfall. He played the song "Waitress" for me and I thought it was pretty cool, so I ended up tracking down the album, and soon fell in love with the band. I still consider Hopesfall one of my favorite bands of all time. I also started to get into more Post-Hardcore stuff, like Thursday and Finch. A little bit of metal as well.
When I was 16 my friends started to really get me into more extreme metal. I heard Slipknot and thought it was alright, but Fear Factory was the band that really got me into metal music. Disturbed was another favorite, but it was more of a guilty pleasure with my friends because they were a little too "mainstream" for others.
When I was 17 I started to really get into melodic death metal, I had In Flames, Dark Tranquillity, Opeth, At the Gates, etc. on constant repeat.
But at 18 is when I started to diversify my tastes a little. I was listening to as much emo and rap as I did death metal. I think my favorite band at the time was The Mars Volta.
Sometime around December 2006 I started to really fall in love with a lot of death metal bands, as well as Christian bands. My interest in religion was piqued at this point and I turned to a lot of Christian bands to get some insight on that stuff. For about a year I listened to almost nothing but Underoath, As Cities Burn, Beloved, August Burns Red, Dead Poetic... At one point my playlist contained no secular bands at all.
But now I've moved on again. I very rarely listen to metal anymore. My religious beliefs are still present but are not dictating my behavior or playlist anymore. I still enjoy a lot of bands I've grown up with, but it depends what they are.
Nowadays I listen to mostly post-hardcore/emo stuff, I guess you would say. Two bands that have really made an impact on me lately are City Sleeps and Fightstar. I've posted some City Sleeps videos before, but here is a Fightstar song I love;
Love the song and love the video. I remember being a little kid and playing with finger-guns, and dammit, my sound effects were always the best because I played Goldeneye.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Sick of the bullshit
Why does one game control so much of my friends', and my own, life? Of course I'm talking about World of Warcraft, what other game would it be?
Despite my rantings on the game in my post a few weeks ago, and against my wishes, my friends continued to pester me about playing with them again, so I just gave in and logged on once again. We played for a while, and then one of my friends gets bored, so we switch servers and have to start over again. This happened no less than 4 times in 2 weeks, and it was getting more frustrating each time. By the 4th time, I just said screw it and went to play on my own, away from my friends on one of my old characters. The guilt of abandoning them was persistent and never-ceasing.
But then today, they all just up and quit out of seemingly nowhere.
So I should be happy I guess, I can finally maybe quit this game for good. But will I? I've finally made peace with a class that I hated for a long time and am actually having a decent time playing, despite being on a server by myself with no friends. It's sad, but was that the key this whole time? Although, it makes some sense. I've always been a loner, and until less than a year ago, I always chose to stay at home alone rather then going out with friends.
I don't know, it's a little depressing to think that playing by myself in solitude is when I am most happiest. There's only one person I'd really want to play with, but I've had him jump through so many hoops lately, I'm not even sure if he still wants to.
What really pisses me off the most is how much this all affects me. I've been in a pretty crappy mood recently because of my friends' indecisiveness on the game and how serious they take it, and today I just kind of lost it (internally, I didn't explode on anyone.)
So now in such a sport span of time, my friends' attitudes have changed from "Hey let's play some WoW" to "Dude, you should quit WoW, it's a waste of time." It's annoying beyond belief thinking about how much I am going to have to put up with that from now on. It was like that before, when I was the only person playing the game, but then everybody else picked it up and got addicted to it like I once was. That rabid fever you get for the game when it's all new to you.
That passion is long gone for me, and I think I might be playing more because of comfort and familiarity rather than truly enjoying every single second of it.
On top of all this, I have a bad case of writer's block. I'm pretty sure it can attributed to a mix of playing WoW and also just genuinely not knowing what to write next. I hope I can start coming up with things soon...
On the brighter side, I got an email from an old friend today and it's kind of nice to hear from him again. We didn't exactly end things in the best way, so I'm a little hesitant to get fully excited about talking to him, but it's nice either way.
I turned 21 on the 6th, and haven't done a single thing to celebrate/take advantage of my age yet. Although after today, I could sure use a fucking drink.
Anyway, here's another cool song:
Despite my rantings on the game in my post a few weeks ago, and against my wishes, my friends continued to pester me about playing with them again, so I just gave in and logged on once again. We played for a while, and then one of my friends gets bored, so we switch servers and have to start over again. This happened no less than 4 times in 2 weeks, and it was getting more frustrating each time. By the 4th time, I just said screw it and went to play on my own, away from my friends on one of my old characters. The guilt of abandoning them was persistent and never-ceasing.
But then today, they all just up and quit out of seemingly nowhere.
So I should be happy I guess, I can finally maybe quit this game for good. But will I? I've finally made peace with a class that I hated for a long time and am actually having a decent time playing, despite being on a server by myself with no friends. It's sad, but was that the key this whole time? Although, it makes some sense. I've always been a loner, and until less than a year ago, I always chose to stay at home alone rather then going out with friends.
I don't know, it's a little depressing to think that playing by myself in solitude is when I am most happiest. There's only one person I'd really want to play with, but I've had him jump through so many hoops lately, I'm not even sure if he still wants to.
What really pisses me off the most is how much this all affects me. I've been in a pretty crappy mood recently because of my friends' indecisiveness on the game and how serious they take it, and today I just kind of lost it (internally, I didn't explode on anyone.)
So now in such a sport span of time, my friends' attitudes have changed from "Hey let's play some WoW" to "Dude, you should quit WoW, it's a waste of time." It's annoying beyond belief thinking about how much I am going to have to put up with that from now on. It was like that before, when I was the only person playing the game, but then everybody else picked it up and got addicted to it like I once was. That rabid fever you get for the game when it's all new to you.
That passion is long gone for me, and I think I might be playing more because of comfort and familiarity rather than truly enjoying every single second of it.
On top of all this, I have a bad case of writer's block. I'm pretty sure it can attributed to a mix of playing WoW and also just genuinely not knowing what to write next. I hope I can start coming up with things soon...
On the brighter side, I got an email from an old friend today and it's kind of nice to hear from him again. We didn't exactly end things in the best way, so I'm a little hesitant to get fully excited about talking to him, but it's nice either way.
I turned 21 on the 6th, and haven't done a single thing to celebrate/take advantage of my age yet. Although after today, I could sure use a fucking drink.
Anyway, here's another cool song:
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